BTW the NSA is Spying On You Too (Yes You)

Tucker Carlson showing how much credibility the American Intelligence Community has

Gather round ye kind folk and I’ll weave you a tale told by our forbears: a story so incredible and incredibly recent that you might be wondering what’s in those pills your therapist has been prescribing.

Way back in 2013, a man with the implausible name of Eddy Snowman (probably a pseudonym) revealed in a massive leak of certified Federal documents that the United States spy agency apparatus had been illegally spying on American citizens.

Which ones?

This is where the tale gets even spookier: it turns out, the NSA and various other alphabet agencies were spying on basically everyone with a pulse, an email account or a cell phone.

Does this sound familiar to you? Like maybe the plot to a movie you fell asleep halfway through after eating too many THC gummies?

It’s not a movie though. Unless you count the movie by the name of “Snowden” that came out in 2016.

In the likely chance that you will fall asleep during this movie, here’s the TLDW:

The NSA, it turns out, has been illegally spying on basically every American with a pulse, an email account and a cell phone.

If that sounds familiar, it’s because I just wrote that same sentence a half page ago.

Is any of this getting through?

I will remind you again of what our “intelligence” community has been doing, illegally, to Americans throughout this piece, because it seems like a lot of people really want to forget this inconvenient piece of information.

And now you’re probably reading and forgetting all over again and asking yourself, “what information?”

My point, there’s not even a memory hole for things to be thrown into anymore.

Americans are with golden-retriever-enthusiasm forgetting what happened from one plot point to next, unwittingly awakening periodically with the faint flavor of peanut butter and something else vaguely familiar in their mouths.

Did you get tricked again? Yes. But you like peanut butter because you’re a good boy who knows when to open his mouth for it.

Enter Tucker Carlson who somehow also seems to forget Eddy’s revelation about the NSA ILLEGALY SPYING ON AMERICAN CITIZENS.

He’s out with a new fucking bananas batshit goofy claim that the NSA, is, get this: ILLEGALLY SPYING ON HIM.

For some reason, this revelation is a revelation and also something to make fun of Tucker about. The mainstream left media has been falling over themselves to ridicule Tucker as either completely crazy and then in turn, perhaps surmising that he must have done something to deserve being spied on.

Instead of being angry about the (apparently news to them) idea that the NSA is illegally spying on an American journalist for having the audacity to try to interview Vladimir Putin (one guess), you have the opposite: cheerleading for journalists to be investigated.

If you know anything about the NSA illegally spying on American citizens, you might also sort of remember that the Obama administration totally made the IC pinky swear to stop doing it unless they were able to get a secret warrant from the super-secret FISA court.

That makes me feel better that there’s a secret court between me and the world’s most powerful spy apparatus in history that has a track record of lying, constantly.

You?

I know that’s a lot of bad news to hear: both that we are being illegally spied on by the NSA, and also that most mainstream journalists don’t seem to have much beef about it.

But here’s the good news:

You’re going to forget all about this in about 5 minutes and unlike most golden retriever intellects you aren’t likely to wake up one day with your groin shaved and a cone on your head, so you can pass on these big critical thinking skills to your progeny.

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Kevin McElroy

Kevin McElroy

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